The Cowhead Show: Retarded News on theboneonline.com

June 12, 2009

On Monday, an unidentified cop from Virginia was in the process of serving two outstanding warrants when an 11-year-old Dachshund named Killer came charging around the corner of the house and lunged at him. According to the officer, once Killer started attacking him, he had no choice but to SHOOT AND KILL the tiny dog.

I know; it seems a little excessive. But, according to a press release from the chief of police, "Shooting a dog which is actively presenting a THREAT to an officer is within the department's policy."

The officer isn't expected to be punished for shooting Killer.

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June 12, 2009

43-year-old Dawud Yaduallah filed a lawsuit against his former nurse, 65-year-old Judith Lovelace, for not treating a painful 55-HOUR BONER he suffered while serving time for an assault conviction in a New York prison. According to the lawsuit, Dawud's erection was a side-effect of a drug he was taking called Seroquel, used to treat Bipolar Disorder. After 14 hours of standing at attention, Dawud went to Judith and begged her for help. But instead of treating the problem, Judith just told Dawud to put some ice on his most intimate of areas and sent him back to his cell.

Dawud's lawsuit claims the 55-hour boner has left his junk, "irreparably injured...[with] severe damage to his penis, including erectile dysfunction, inability to [discharge] and pain during sexual intercourse."

Dawud has been out on parole since last September. Judith retired from the prison in 2007.

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June 3, 2009

On Monday afternoon, 72-year-old great-grandmother Kathryn Winkfein of Texas was pulled over for doing 60 in a 45-mile-an-hour construction zone on her way home from Austin. When the cop asked her to sign the ticket to appear in court, she refused. The police say Kathryn then told the officer to take her to jail, got out of her car and refused to cooperate. So he Tasered and arrested her.

Kathryn was booked for resisting arrest and detention, but released shortly after. According to police, Kathryn got violent, so the arresting officer acted appropriately. "She refused to get off the side of the road. [The arresting officer] said to her, 'Ma'am, you're under arrest.' She used profanity."

Kathryn disagrees. She said the Tasering is, "unreal. It's like an electric shock. I wasn't argumentative, I was not combative. This is a lie. All of this is a lie. Every bit of this is a lie."

Full story | Dash cam video

June 3, 2009

On Monday, 21-year-old Troy Whitson of Washington appeared in court on charges that he'd had sex with his two Alaskan Malamutes (those are the dogs that look like Huskies and are used as Alaskan sled dogs). Troy entered a plea that's something called an "Alford plea," which means he admits no wrongdoing, but acknowledges that he'd probably be convicted.

To make things worse, Troy is also a "Furry." "Furries" are people who are into a whole fictional world of human-like animal characters, who have human personalities and characteristics.

Appearently, having sex with animals is not normal "Furry" behavior. In fact, it was two of Troy's "Furry" friends that witnessed him violating his dogs and they turned him in.

Troy has been sentenced to 30 days in jail, is restricted from owning animals for two years and his dogs have been placed with new owners.

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May 14, 2009

Crystal Samuel and several of her friends ordered takeout from the Waffle House restaurant in Manning, South Carolina, but when they arrived to pick up their food Crystal's order still wasn't ready. While they waited, Crystal's friends started eating their meals.

A 29-year-old waitress named Yakeisha Ward told Crystal's friends that, according to Waffle House policy, they weren't allowed to eat from takeout trays inside the restaurant. It seems Crystal didn't appreciate Yakeisha butting in, so she started yelling and even threw some food at Yakeisha. So Yakeisha JUMPED over the counter and started FIGHTING with Crystal. At one point, the fight spilled out into the restaurant parking lot, and when it did, Yakeisha grabbed a GUN from her car which she used to PISTOL-WHIP Crystal in the head and SHOOT her in the arm.

Yakeisha was arrested and charged with assault and battery with intent to kill. If she's convicted, she could get up to 20 YEARS in prison.

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May 11, 2009

30-year-old Gavin Hyatt of England felt a sharp pain in his abdomen, so he went to a doctor and was diagnosed with a hernia. After about a week, the pain went away and Gavin's hernia surgery was cancelled.

But later, Gavin started feeling a stabbing pain near his belly button, and when he lifted his shirt he noticed he was BLEEDING, and that a LUMP had somehow pushed through his skin! Gavin rushed to the hospital and it turns out the 1.5-inch lump was actually his UNBORN TWIN BROTHER'S FETUS!

Apparently, Gavin's twin had died in their mother's womb and somehow became embedded in Gavin's tissue. Gavin says, "Four doctors had previously examined me and were all puzzled by the lump. Some thought it was a cyst, others an in-grown hair...I feel absolutely fine now but it has not sunk in yet that I could have had a twin brother. I have him in a jar at home and I call him little Gav. I haven't told many people. I feel like a bit of a freak."

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